In 2001 he was the people’s hero. In 2020, he is a ‘shirt-tucking’ ‘honey badger’. Or to put it another way, he is Trump’s hero.

I am of course talking of Rudy Giuliani: the first high-position member of a major US party to only find out about their loss in an election after arranging a victory press conference. It is worth noting that the conference was held at the four seasons. The landscaping firm, not the hotel.

Considering his age and the short ВОЯДТ fiasco, it would probably have been wiser to hold it anywhere – anywhere – than a garden centre crammed between a crematorium and a sex shop. Especially if they were going to send a message to the self-appointed poll watchers of  the civilian far-right movement to keep digging for evidence of voter fraud. You know, the evidence that mysteriously disappeared en route to Fox News.

The evidence that would be needed for Giuliani’s ‘very very strong case’ that would not be accepted due to ‘hateful biases’. Where have we seen talk like that before, I wonder. That exquisite sense of unirony, and ability to choose all the dullest possible words to describe a topic that is, in itself, dull. Frankly, it is similar in a bigly way to many of Trump’s speeches.

Talking of, Trump was interrupted and corrected by multiple news corps during his second victory in loss speech. Many Americans considered this a great improvement to the usual broadcasts in which they actually have to listen to Trump. And when even a MSNBC anchor manages to surpass you in terms of popularity (or, to be more accurate, the lack of that characteristic) you know you are in trouble.

On Saturday, Trump almost admitted he lost, but stopped short before he could be tested for sportsmanship, for fear of being quarantined. He has repeated that theme throughout the rest of the weekend. Like the time in which he tweeted ‘BIDEN WON’, only to add, rather hastily, and to avoid any chance of peace, that ‘he won in the eyes of the FAKE NEWS MEDIA’ (random capitalisations in original).

On the upside, the four seasons landscaping firm has had a boost in profits. Before you go off to buy their merchandise, be warned that they utilised a large number of puns that should be prosecutable as a human rights violation.

Disclaimer: This article may be an opinion article and be subject to bias, it also may not reflect the views of The Curious Times.