Hover over a card to see the answer!
How does a scientist freshen her breath?
It uses experi-mints.
Why does Tesco look to employ shorter people?
Become every little helps
Teacher: “if you put your hand in your pocket and found £1.00 and then you put your hand in your other pocket and found £2.50 what would you have?
Pupil: someone else’s trousers on!
I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
Why did Adele cross the road ?
To say hello from the other side
How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night.
What did the child who was doing their maths homework say to their sibling?
Stop being mean! (mean is a type of math problem)
Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
Because she always runs away from the ball!
What is a computer's favourite snack?
Computer chips.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us something smells.
Did you hear about the mathmatician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
Why did Donald Trump ban sliced cheese?
Because he wanted to make America grate again.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
What do you call a tree that loses all its leaves?
Carless.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A Stick.
I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
What do you call a ghost’s true love?
His ghoul-friend.
What is a tornado’s favourite game to play?
Twister!
Patient: “doctor! doctor! My nose and feet have swapped!”
Doctor: “Oh no! What are your symptoms?” Patient: “Well my nose runs and my feet smell!”
Which bird always gets first place?
A peng-win!
What do you call a Spanish footballer?
A gracias.
What is a witch’s favourite subject in school?
Spelling!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!
Two cats are having a swimming race. One cat is called 'One two three', and the other 'Un deux trois'. Which cat do you think won?
One two three, because Un deux trois cat sank.
What did the soldier say when we couldn't open his war tank?
Oh dear, I've lost my khaki...
What did the fish say when she swam into a wall?
Damn!
What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
Why did the tap dancer retire?
Because she kept on falling in to the sink.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies!
Why do we tell actors to 'break a leg'?
Because every play has a cast...
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a duck?
Swimming Trunks.
What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frost-bite.
What did the fish say when she swam into a wall?
Damn!
How was the carrot that was being grated feeling?
Grateful!
How can you tell a vampire has a cold?
It starts coffin.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well.
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A Dino-snore.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus!
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents were in a jam.
What building in New York has the most stories?
A public library.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.