Hover over a card to see the answer!
Did you hear about the mathmatician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents were in a jam.
Why did Adele cross the road ?
To say hello from the other side
What do you call a tree that loses all its leaves?
Carless.
I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
What do you call a Spanish footballer?
A gracias.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Which bird always gets first place?
A peng-win!
Why does Tesco look to employ shorter people?
Become every little helps
What building in New York has the most stories?
A public library.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What did the fish say when she swam into a wall?
Damn!
What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts.
What is a computer's favourite snack?
Computer chips.
Why do we tell actors to 'break a leg'?
Because every play has a cast...
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frost-bite.
How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us something smells.
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
What did the soldier say when we couldn't open his war tank?
Oh dear, I've lost my khaki...
What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.
How can you tell a vampire has a cold?
It starts coffin.
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A Dino-snore.
What did the fish say when she swam into a wall?
Damn!
Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!
Teacher: “if you put your hand in your pocket and found £1.00 and then you put your hand in your other pocket and found £2.50 what would you have?
Pupil: someone else’s trousers on!
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
Why did the tap dancer retire?
Because she kept on falling in to the sink.
What do you call a ghost’s true love?
His ghoul-friend.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus!
What did the child who was doing their maths homework say to their sibling?
Stop being mean! (mean is a type of math problem)
Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
Because she always runs away from the ball!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Patient: “doctor! doctor! My nose and feet have swapped!”
Doctor: “Oh no! What are your symptoms?” Patient: “Well my nose runs and my feet smell!”
Why did Donald Trump ban sliced cheese?
Because he wanted to make America grate again.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well.
Two cats are having a swimming race. One cat is called 'One two three', and the other 'Un deux trois'. Which cat do you think won?
One two three, because Un deux trois cat sank.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A Stick.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a duck?
Swimming Trunks.
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
What is a tornado’s favourite game to play?
Twister!
What is a witch’s favourite subject in school?
Spelling!
I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
How was the carrot that was being grated feeling?
Grateful!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies!
How does a scientist freshen her breath?
It uses experi-mints.